Strengthening your Boundaries and Integrity to Reduce Guilt and Resentment by Regena Garrepy
In this episode explore the places in your life that create stress, overwhelm and guilt and learn simple exercises to strengthen your boundaries that develop more ease and freedom. You’ll learn the three components of integrity and how to build your self trust for more confidence.
Regena Garrepy is a mastermind for messengers, superwoman sanity saver and Red Hot Visionista Coach.
Visit and Reclaim your Essence VIP List from Regena Garrepy at http://eepurl.com/vPkB
Regena Garrepy is a Mastermind for Messengers, Superwoman Sanity Saver and Red Hot Visionista Coach. She has a striving coaching business called Reclaim your essence where she mentors and empowers entrepreneur and messengers to reclaim, embody and express their essence and become the leader of their own lives and businesses without guilt or apology. She’s built several brands including the international Bye bBe Good Girl movement and continues to lead yearly getaways to Cancun. She is the director of training from Mike Dooley at TUT.com and develops the certified trainer program although her background is an education she’s also an award winning direct seller and recruiter a co-author of a book titled “Incredible Life” and she wrote the chapter in there of “escaping the prison of perfection”. Regena thank you so much for being here this afternoon.Regena Garrepy: Hi Michelle, my fairy godmother. I just love what you’re doing here and I love the honor to be in the air with you.
Michelle Spalding: You’re sweet thank you so much. I of course have a long, long list of questions but one of the first things I love to ask each and every guest is how the path of a soulful entrepreneur came to you and you know, a little bit about what did you do before that lead you where you are now and I know your helping women all over the country but tell me a little bit more about your past soulful entrepreneurship.
Regena Garrepy: I actually think the past really started way back you know I think it comes from my connection that I had that was really strong with my own little magical child. You know there’s that part in time for all of us when we just believe, we believe in magic and we believe in possibilities and I was that little creative girl but then of course what happen to a lot of us is we start to grow up and start to get disappointed and to get the solution and for me the only way that I could see that there are would be happily ever after for me was if I followed this sort of protocol or happiness which was to get good grades, to do what was told, to go to college, to get a job, to get married to a nice boy, buy a house and have a baby and if I did all that then I will be a woman who had it all and I would live happily ever after. And so I did all those things following that timeline and after I had my son I woke up and I was in my early 30’s and I look around and then I saw the things in my life a book to guard but that I had orchestrated this entire life to make sure that everyone else thought that I had it all and then I had it all together but I myself felt empty, I like to say that I felt a laminated glossy shell like I look really shiny on the outside and I would doing all the things I should do but inside I was really disconnected from myself because I had really disconnected from my dream and from the hope of things being possible and during that time which was you know a period of postpartum depression, I realize that in order for me to get back and to escaped from prison of imperfection I had to reclaim my essence, in that started on a journey that lead me into direct sales which was the opposite of what my background before have been before teacher my elementary school teacher very much of good girl and now I was in direct sales and I was selling sex toys and so what happened was as I was telling everyone about how to reclaim their inner spark, their inner mojo, their inner goddess and you know their inner sexual sensual being I started to do that for myself after a couple of years I became very successful and that was really my beginning of entrepreneurship was building that business but I realize what I really love with helping women or they were on my team they were my customers to reclaim their essence. To connect back to that place that was creative that was and had desire and dream and so I left the direct sales world and I started my own coaching business coaching speaking training and teaching and you know that’s where I am and I know that I am an entrepreneur today because I know dark and how unfulfilling and even sometimes how shameful it is to lead a life without connection to our souls and to our dream and it said live a life of somebody else that their version of who we should be and that’s why I’m passion about helping women be the leader of their own lives were often leader in the world but not only leading to our own lives and being a full expression of our essence and I know that something that we reclaiming our something we just do once it’s something we do over and over again because coming back to your essence is really your soul work and when you peel off the layers of persona you come back home to yourself and I found that even as an entrepreneur I’m sure that you have felt this too that being an entrepreneur is a journey of your soul like it is the best personal development program out there.
Michelle Spalding: I have said that several times its so funny that you’ve said that because it’s not only messy but it’s also a big, big learning experience about yourself and of course business I have always say that you have to learn to like the person that you’ve work for in a way that you never thought you ever would. You’re stuck with her all day long whether you like her so not you gotta learn to love her and take care of her and a…… It’s so funny that self development in the entrepreneur world. I don’t think I have ever anybody as a coach say that to me am you know careful what you’re getting into, you never read that on the books but we all know it once we’ve down that path a little bit.
Regena Garrepy: Yah entrepreneurship is not for wimps you got to be ready for face all, slay the dragon, and climb the mountain.
Michelle Spalding: And sometimes cry. Yeah so this leads me to my next question then you know and that is an entrepreneur sometimes we do feel like out of sync, you know like I said you know liking that person that you work for working hard on your relationship with yourself with your client, customers with your business, your spouse your kids all of those things what happens when we feel that out of sync, out of the flow?
Regena Garrepy: Yeah I don’t know about you when things are out of sync for me I noticed things starts to slip through the cracks and I get overwhelmed or I get stressed sometimes I feel irritated or resentful and sometimes even angry often I feel like I’m not doing anything as well as I could be which of course leads to that killer of joy guilt, guilt will get you and I realize that when I start to feel those thing I know I’m out of the line. And that my essence is not resonating anymore and so if for all the listeners who are listening if you are feeling any of those things in any area of your life you know what I would suggest to you right now write them down write them down on a piece of paper where in your life or what things are making you feel annoyed, guilty, pissed off, or really stressed because if we dig a little deeper into whatever it is you write down I’m willing to bet that for many of you those areas there’s a bit of them all either personal or a relationship boundary that has either been violated hasn’t been in many cases hasn’t been even into place so once a upon a time for me I had a client who was texting me this very long this very urgent text and I remember beginning to feel really resentful specially it woke me up in a weekend or and just they were like sending texts all the time and then the same time I would feel guilty because she was spending a lot of money coaching, coaching in my program I really wanted her to feel valued and heard. So this was on for a while as my resentment started to get bigger and stronger I realized the problem wasn’t her, the problem was I had no boundaries around on how clients accessed me and because I had been wavering a little bit in my own self worth and my value that I did bring, you know I had continued to immediately respond thorough her text so she was then content to continued sending them. And I pretend not to which perpetuated the negative feeling and me and so I had to pull a boundary around on how client have access on me and it isn’t a unlimited texting that happened there was an area that start feeling me angry and resentful around there’s usually some kind of boundary that’s going on there.
Michelle Spalding: And that’s interesting that you put away because and I like when you said about you wanted her to feel like she was getting her value out of the program that your offing out of the services you offer and I also know you wanted to help her wants to be on service but am we often forget when were going on a business, starting a business and a relation business like that with coaching and so forth that we have to take care of our self we have to create those boundaries, we have to say here’s when I’m available. I remember a thousand years ago when I sold houses Someone calling me at 11:30 at night to ask me about the listing and I said “do you know what time it is” and he said “it doesn’t matter can you just give me the info” and then I remember to that point thinking I created this phone call because I didn’t turn my phone off at night when I went to bed of course that was the last day had happened however you know I was scolding him for something I allowed. You know what I’m saying so give me an idea then and everyone listening here on our way in strengthening our boundaries if we turn off our phone or the text messaging, but give some other ideas.
Regena Garrepy: Yeah, we want to like I said that you really want to taken an inventory in write down the areas when you want to take a little deeper one of the things I really want to talk about today is one of the way you can strengthen your boundaries is also by doing integrity work of yourself. So when we hear the word integrity we a lot of times go to what moral and what’s ethical and ethical but integrity actually means to be whole and complete within oneself right to be in true or right relationship with yourself and none of us can be in perfect balance all the time because I admit we do integrity work to get back to our center and to get back to our core of feeling complete so integrity work by looking at the areas where you are leaking money, where you are leaking hour or you where leaking energy where your leaking time and so there are a couple of components that are present for integrity but one of the latest we can stand stronger in our value because self work and our value is directly to strength with our boundary is by doing integrity work.
Michelle Spalding: Okay before we continue on to the next on I would love I want you to talk more about those components of integrity tell everybody real quick Regena where we can find you online because I know that you have a great eBook that you have written I have read it and I want everybody listening to be able to pick that up tell everybody a little about that would you please.
Regena Garrepy: Yes you can get my eBook which is called Superwoman 911: Resuscitating Your Mojo and you can get that at www.reclaimyouressence.com and you can also find me on Facebook at Regena Garrepy or Reclaim Your Essence as my Facebook Page.
Michelle Spalding: Okay awesome thank you. I’ve got so many more questions that I just don’t want to forget that as we continue the show everybody knows more about that so let’s go back to integrity and tell all about some of those components of integrity, what are those.
Regena Garrepy: So the 1st component is doing what you say you’ll do the 2nd component is identifying and touching up your leaks and the 3rd component is speaking your true, starting from the top doing what you’ll say you do is like honoring a contract because when you do it you honor the relationship. So much resentment and when that happens when this falls apart for three reasons one they fall apart because you just do what you going say you’ll do or more likely is you were unconscious what you are about agreeing to we say stuffs all the time oh yeah I’ll help with that I can do that and we don’t, we really not conscious what we are saying yes to, what we really agreeing to and the second part of that or there was a lack of clarity, I said that I would help her said that I would do that but you saw that meant something different because there wasn’t a clear agreement so when it comes to doing what you say your going do in integrity with yourself it’s doing say what you want to do miss yourself but the other important pieces doing what you saying your going do for yourself right because a lot of us are good with honoring our contracts with others or not so good on honoring our agreement or contract with our self.
Michelle Spalding: I would find that so interesting that, and I know it to be true and its one of those things that business self development this just becomes part of our business lives but you know if I have a appointment by a client I’d make that appointment but if I have if I put on my calendar I’m going walk today, it doesn’t always take the priority that, making a business call or connecting to the client does. And obviously then that does not honoring our contracts with our self and those I think you know the more I learn the more I grow the more I realize that those contracts are the most important contracts so there’s obviously more consequences to not honoring those contracts. Tell me I little about that.
Regena Garrepy: So when you don’t honor the contract, when you don’t do what you say your going do with someone else or just a little bit of the wall of trust begins to thin out and it’s obviously it’s a really big thing than it can end the relationship. But, it’s like you show up late or you don’t get somebody something that you said you’re going to on time it may not deal but they learn to relay on you a little bit they learn that you’re not trustworthy and consequently, I think I said more even importantly is you don’t honor your own contract and you don’t do what your going say your do so then what’s getting a eroded is your self trust and when you don’t trust yourself, even on the little thing then there’s a little bit of a disconnect and there’s more of distinct to doing the things because if you can’t you know get to the gym or you know get your blog post written on time how can you do that really big dream and how can you strengthen and hold your boundaries when you don’t trust yourself. So its sounds like not doing you say your going do for yourself could it be more important because your self trust and your value is tied to it.
Michelle Spalding: And so obviously you hit that and I just want to reiterate that because that was poignant we can’t accomplish those big dreams if we cannot rely on our self to do a little things.
Regena Garrepy: Yeah and another way to strengthen your integrity is really component number 2 and that’s identifying and patching up your leaks remember what I said your leaks are incomplete in your life. So we all have them. What you want to do is you want to actually take an inventory of things that you haven’t completed because when things are leaking it could be physical, an emotional or even spiritual distraction. It takes up space in your mind like cutter. It sucks away of energy because that thing in the back of your mind that always nagging at you and it keeps you from moving forward because it’s like physical bolder in the way of your path. So what I would have to you to do as an exercise of it is to create a list of everything that is leaking and incomplete. The taxes that you didn’t do, the book you didn’t return, the relationship you didn’t get a closure on, the closet that you can barely shut because it’s so messy, the doctor appointment that you haven’t been meet yet, the paper work pile than hasn’t been dealt with, the gutters that must be clean, the money you owe or the money you haven’t collected, the membership that need cancelling, because you just don’t use it, the phone call you need to return or the gift certificate you haven’t use. All those things are and are energetically financially time wise they are kind of blocking you and keeping you from being full in integrity. So one of the things you do is to write them down and identify them.
Michelle Spalding: Okay, so once we have those then we know what is what is on that list. As you mention that I look my desk and I’m like she sees that pile of paper, I know she sees. I’m just teasing. It’s today project I promise. Anyways we all have those things so I will say many have this things so now we have the list to so now we kind of look at that list and see or what is it needs our attention what if some of that its like feels too big or you know we’ve ever get that resolution you mentioned a relationship that we didn’t get closure on so what can we do to overcome some those things that are just too big or we can’t get that closure on.
Regena Garrepy: Yeah so that’s probably in some ways the whole separate conversation we can have, to complete that sometimes we make completion with a way harder and it actually have to be. Sometimes we have to just maybe it’s just reading a letter even if we send it may be deciding the time to let it go or deciding it’s time to forgive. And maybe deciding a completion little ritual to yourself sometimes you bring it into the light and burying in the dark and when you bring it up into the surface it’s not scary or not as big and we can deal with a easier than we imagine and it’s really a big project we can just take a baby step the moment the energy from moving forward on it just talking a tiny little vest it won’t surprise you and how it clear just by taking that step or set on going that stuck and that create thing to starting to move.
Michelle Spalding: The momentum of that you hit on something you firmly believe in. The momentum of movement and you know were feeling better accomplishing some of that things but when the Universe just provides and shows up and delivers people and resources and tools all of those things that we need when we just start working on what it is on that we’re trying to do by crossing things off the to do list, working on identifying what those are and making some movement toward either resolving them or completing them people show up things show up we could talk for hours for that one but we won’t. I know this to be the truth so now we’ve got some exercises in strengthening our boundaries and we’ve talk about those components of integrity, let’s talk about how that all ties back into your message of reclaiming of your essence.
Regena Garrepy: Yeah reclaiming and expressing and embodying your essence is being in integrity because that coming back to the center of yourself feeling whole and complete and in integrity there are 3 components the 3rd one is speaking your truth I don’t mean like your truth is that your love light divided that is true or dream like you look bad on those pants or your snoring keeps me up all night and good thing the truth of who you are because in our society we were often caught not to create a fuss or not to be too dramatic or to avoid conflict and when you stop the true or bite your tongue or just try to be peaceful and calm and spiritually enlighten it allows often times the boundary violated because your fear conflict become so big. For me I wasn’t always doing vocal I didn’t say when it’s too much or not enough I’d say fine really wasn’t. I wanted to be perceived certain a way or be approved so I didn’t go with what I really wanted to do or what I really wanted to wear or what I really wanted to offer or not offer. And so I think that reclaiming your essence is about standing in that whole and complete version of yourself without apology and so the question that I’d ask everyone to ponder is where in your life right now are you not only thinking or expressing more truth. And in there you’ll find some answers to bring yourself fast to strengthening your integrity and using the work we talked about.
Michelle Spalding: And I like what you mentioned when you were saying that we make it out to be backing just one second, we make it a lot of it too hard or making it harder on ourselves than we really should be. When we come in just tap that into listening to our true selves and not paying as much attention to those outside of us as we do to our self and what we want to wear that was interesting, I thought that was an interesting comment you made but you know what we want to wear, where we want to go, how we want to do it, listen to our true selves and what we really, really desiring. It will all work out it will all come together you know you might ruffle a feather or two, others feathers are important as yourself and then honoring yourself and the only way for us to really truly do the things are here to do is to speak our truth.
Yeah so Regena I’m always blown away as how quickly 30 minutes goes. And we are down about a minute last, although I could to hours with you on this topic we don’t have that luxury this afternoon. I want to make sure that everyone listening one more opportunity to hear where they can find you online, where they can find your book and how they can connect with you.
Regena Garrepy: Find my book which is Superwoman 911: Resuscitating Your Mojo I give you, my top 5 tools for saving reclaiming your essence and not losing yourself overwhelmed you can get at www.ReclaimYourEessence.com. And you can also find me on Facebook, I have Facebook page called rReclaim Yyou essence Essence and you can also find my personal page which is Regena Garrepy and if you get my eBook you also will get everymonth my Soul Script can get every which I so I give you some journaling on Saturdays that you can kind of use your own inner journey and your own dialog with your own photo those are valuable too. And that’s all free.
Michelle Spalding: Awesome, and you were just such a gem, I really appreciate you being on this show this afternoon, sharing your story and inspiring others and also giving us tools that we can use to create the business and the life that we truly deserve and that we actually we want to live. Thank you once again Regena, I will of course post those links online for anybody who doesn’t have a pen handy when there listening to this. Thank you once again for being in the show, I really appreciate it.
Regena Garrepy: Yes thank you Michelle, my honor my pleasure.
Michelle Spalding: Take care, bye.